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12:15 pm: My Savage Breasts
It's official, y'all: my boobs require their own zip code.



In college, I had a boyfriend who was a boob man. Actually, that seems like much too mild a statement, sort of like calling a lifelong three-packs-a-day smoker a dabbler in the nicotine arts. He just...he really loved big boobs. So when I'd buy a new bra, he'd come over and gloat. "Wow, four hooks! You're HUGE!" he'd say enthusiastically, and I'd want to hurt him.

Thank god I didn't marry him. Thank you, thank you, thank you, god. Because if he'd been here today, he'd be writhing on the floor right now, while I stood over him and said, "Wow! How convenient! Your balls just detach!"

See, I'm in one of my annual "OMG why are all the clothes gone?" buying fits - basically, I would never shop for clothes ever under any circumstances if it was not for the fact that the old ones wear themselves out without my permission - and bras are a critical element of this annual festival of pain.

So I was looking at bra fitting advice - because typically my bras don't actually, um, fit all that well - and I saw this piece of information:

"If your cup seam doesn't lie flat against your breastbone, you need to go up in cup size."

And I was like, "Who the FUCK has a cup seam that lies flat against her breastbone?" I very nearly posted here, asking you to go check yourselves out in the mirror wearing your best fitting bras, but fortunately saner heads prevailed. But I did some, uh, not very covert local observation, and I discovered: other women really don't have magically projecting cups. Their cups snug right up to their bodies and nestle down for the winter.

So, with much reluctance, I got a tape measure and actually measured myself.

This is something where - okay. If I could've chosen to pay $150 to have a stranger in another town measure herself, and that would've worked, I would totally have done that. It is worth $150 to me not to have to take a tape measure to my own body. But, tragically, that technology hasn't been perfected yet. I had no choice but to whip out the ol' tape.

And, like, wow. I never have measured myself for a bra before, but I would say the instructions I was given were slightly inaccurate. I would write them thusly:
  1. Measure around your chest just below your breasts.

  2. Measure around the fullest part of your breasts.

  3. Subtract the first measurement from the second.

  4. Memorize or write down the resultant number.

  5. Bop cheerfully over to the computer and look at the sizing chart.

  6. Cry.
Because according to the sizing chart, my boobs - well, as I said: they needed their own zip code. See, I've been going up in band size, because I assumed my bras didn't fit because I'm fat. But according to the sizing chart, my old band size is actually too high, and my bra problem is that my boobs are fat. Very, very fat.

But I know better than to believe what I read on the internet, so I went down one from the recommended cup size (and that was, yes, still larger than the bras I've been buying) and bought two bras in that, figuring I could publicly mock the sizing chart when they proved to be too big.

They came today. They fit better than any bra I've ever owned. It's pretty clear that if I went up a cup size, they'd fit perfectly.

And that is...that sucks. Because I was already out of the pretty bra range, where you can have things like bows and prints and frolicky cotton. When you switch the little size box to my old size, the color box goes down to just four: white, black, navy, and beige.

But now. But NOW. The size I apparently actually am - when you switch to that, you get just black and white. And the only bras that come in my size at all are what you might call Extreme Ordnance bras - like, these things are not so much sewn as they are constructed. By bridge engineers. Out of high-performance steel. Their general design message is, "Whoa, girl. What have you got in there, watermelons?"

One of the bras I got today has SIX hooks. SIX. And it's a cup size too small! The actual proper size is probably going to have GIRDERS.

I can just picture my college boyfriend's unbridled glee at that piece of news.

I kind of wish he was here, actually. Then at least someone would be delighted at the news. Plus, I would be able to be mad at him, and that would make me feel better.

But he's not. So I'm just posting a little note to say: if you want to send something to me, I'll be at the old address. But if you want to send something to either of my boobs, well, I'm going to have to call the post office. Because there's just not room in this zip code for all three of us.

Comments

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[User Picture]
From:brooklinegirl
Date:June 14th, 2006 07:16 pm (UTC)
(Link)
"If your cup seam doesn't lie flat against your breastbone, you need to go up in cup size."

And I was like, "Who the FUCK has a cup seam that lies flat against her breastbone?"


DUDE. I just last week read that very same thing. that has NEVER HAPPENED TO ME IN MY LIFETIME. Weird!

And that is...that sucks. Because I was already out of the pretty bra range, where you can have things like bows and prints and frolicky cotton. When you switch the little size box to my old size, the color box goes down to just four: white, black, navy, and beige.

*nods sadly* PRetty little bows? No. Lacy and cute? No. Patterned stuff! with, like, cherries or pink kisses? HA.

I was doing research in order to buy a strapless bra, and it fits better, but I think I did what you did, thinking NO WAY could my boobs be that big. Only - yeah. They ARE.

*Sigh*

*commiserates*
[User Picture]
From:thefourthvine
Date:June 14th, 2006 07:24 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Exactly. Exactly.

I just need to accept it. My boobs are not pretty. They have not been pretty since I was 15. They will never be pretty again. These are not dress-up boobs, here. Because apparently if you've got the kind of acreage I'm fronting, you don't even want pretty bras. You want the kind that say, "Hi! I don't have time to pretty. Have you seen my day job?"

*sighs very heavily*

*commiserates right back at you*

(It's totally worth going up in cup sizes, though, in the sense that OMG SO COMFORTABLE. And there's not, like, way more boob than room, so you don't have random boob parts popping out to say hello. Worth it. Just: sad.)
[User Picture]
From:norah
Date:June 14th, 2006 07:20 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Oh, honey. Bra shopping is totally unmitigated torture. Trumped only by the search for a good shrink, IMNSHO. I feel...well, not your PAIN (having recently grown a cup size and still being a C-cup), but great sympathy for you. If it makes you feel any better, which I am sure it will not, I am also completely out of the "pretty bra" market by virtue of my chintziness and practicality - I can't bear to spend that much money on something that isn't totally comfortable and that doesn't go well with all my (plain, cotton, black/nude/white) underwears.

So, um, tot solidarity, sister. I uploaded this icon just to use on this comment.
[User Picture]
From:norah
Date:June 14th, 2006 07:22 pm (UTC)
(Link)
ahaha, TIT solidarity, that is. TIT for TOT.
[User Picture]
From:itsaslashything
Date:June 14th, 2006 07:26 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I completely understand. Why can't they make pretty bras for those of us who enter a room a full minute before the rest of their body? And why, GOD WHY????, do women PAY to get boobs this size? I'll gladly share...they can have half of mine and then maybe I can get a pretty bra that doesn't look like something my Great Great Grandmother wore during the depression!

And if these bra makers would pull their heads out of their asses, they'd realize that we already pay a premium just to get a bra...we'd pay even more for pretty ones!!!
[User Picture]
From:ficbyzee
Date:June 14th, 2006 07:27 pm (UTC)
(Link)
This post made my morning. I am not even kidding. This is mean of me, but I love reading about other people's boob pain, because it puts my own into perspective. (I'm at about DD, so there aren't any remotely pretty and affordable bras that fit, but I *can* sort of squeeze into my old sort-of pretty ones.)

That sounds horribly unsympathetic to you. Um. I'm sorry? On the bright side, maybe you can just wear (comfy) corsets all the time. (If comfy corsets exist--I'm not sure about that.) That'd be hot.

*hugs to you, and your boobs, except um, pretend that doesn't sound so sketchy*
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:June 14th, 2006 07:45 pm (UTC)
(Link)
This post made my morning. I am not even kidding. This is mean of me, but I love reading about other people's boob pain, because it puts my own into perspective.

Yay! I made your morning, and this is good, even if it was, um, mostly through schadenfreude. I have no problems with serving as a hideous warning to others, though, really. Mommas, don't let your babies grow up to have boobs the size of a luxury yacht.

I'm at about DD, so there aren't any remotely pretty and affordable bras that fit, but I *can* sort of squeeze into my old sort-of pretty ones.

*nods*

Pretty and affordable is impossible when it comes to bras. Hell, at this point I'm settling for "almost fits and costs less than the same thing made out of platinum would."
[User Picture]
From:dar_jeeling
Date:June 14th, 2006 07:27 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I very nearly posted here, asking you to go check yourselves out in the mirror wearing your best fitting bras, but fortunately saner heads prevailed.

You know, such a poll did actually pop up on my flist some time ago. If I remember correctly, the options were: "Yes" "No" "Only when I lie on my back" and "What?"

And I was frantically clicking What? What? I have never ever heard of this and oh no, that probably means I wear ill-fitting bras and my boobs will succumb to gravity before it's time!
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:June 14th, 2006 07:48 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Apparently, it's absolutely true: if the part between your cups isn't basically welded to your breastbone, you need to go up a cup size. Possibly more than one. If, um, you're me.

Truly, I encourage you to get out your own tape measure and do the Hideous Measurement Tango. The trauma doesn't last! I mean, it goes away as soon as you make a lengthy LJ post complaining about your boobs, which is clearly something every girl should do once. (I mean that. I already have links of FOUR separate places where I can buy bras. Including even some pretty ones! In my actual size! Wow.)
[User Picture]
From:basingstoke
Date:June 14th, 2006 07:27 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Oh, god, I feel you. I'm a 36J, which is a ludicrous size.

I get my bras at Figleaves: http://www.figleaves.com/
You can send them back forever until you get one that fits right, and the sizes go all the way up to ludicrous (though not to hydrogen bomb, which is what I'll need if I gain another pound--excuse me while I jump on the stair stepper).

It is truly amazing, though, the difference when you get a bra that truly fits.
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:June 14th, 2006 07:51 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Okay, I admit it: now I kind of want to meet your breasts. In person, even. Because they're bigger than mine! Yay!

And now I'm going to be mature and dignified and stuff. But know that you've made me a very happy woman.

Actually, you've made me an insanely happy woman, because Fig Leaves has stuff in my size! That is pretty! And not even priced like it's made entirely of saffron!

I...I think I love you.

*adores from afar*
[User Picture]
From:darthfox
Date:June 14th, 2006 07:29 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Witness the wonderfulness that is bravissimo.com. Or, what would be that wonderfulness if you lived in the UK. But hang on one second, I recently had a similar post and I bet I've even tagged it -- [goes to look in tags]

Hey, and it's not even filter-locked. Dig. The comments contain many suggestions. And lest you scoff at my DD, note that I'm right about at the very bottom of the Bravissimo range, mentioned above.
[User Picture]
From:darthfox
Date:June 14th, 2006 07:58 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Also, a testimonial: I had been wearing 38D, and when I switched to 36DD -- it's true, we all think the damn things are too small so we go up a band size, which, wrong solution -- I swear it looked like I'd lost thirty pounds. Who knew properly-fitting underwear could make such a difference?

[runs away to tend bar]
[User Picture]
From:entrenous88
Date:June 14th, 2006 07:32 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I am right at the must-go-bra-shopping-NOW stage myself, so your post made me laugh but it also made me whimper.

How can it be that something all women have to wear, a thing that all women have a number of, is so freaking hard to shop for/fit?

I mean, I know how, but sheesh! There's consumer dollars we're waving at people in fistfuls. Can't there be some catering to the breast-sporting demographic?
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:June 14th, 2006 08:01 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I am right at the must-go-bra-shopping-NOW stage myself, so your post made me laugh but it also made me whimper.

Then, seriously, this comments thread is for you. There are links aplenty that will bring you serious shopping joy. Figleaves.com even lets you send bras that don't fit back until you find one that does!

Can't there be some catering to the breast-sporting demographic?

*sad*

That is an excellent question. And, overall, the answer appears to be "no." But there are isolated pockets of resistance, thank god.
[User Picture]
From:commodorified
Date:June 14th, 2006 07:40 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Bodywise.

I confess they aren't exactly PRETTY.

But they're, you know, fun. And comfy.
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:June 14th, 2006 08:05 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Okay, I'm kind of laughing, here. Because those bras? They are SO MUCH PRETTIER than anything I have been able to buy in my size in the pretty bra stores. (Pretty bra stores appear to have the following motto: "Up to a 38D, your boobs will look fantastic. Anything above that, sister, and you're lucky we even spare you our white economy polyester.") So, yes, I consider those pretty bras.

*has pretty bra dreams but utility bra boobs*
[User Picture]
From:sinsense
Date:June 14th, 2006 07:44 pm (UTC)
(Link)
What's interesting is that if you go in the opposite direction, down to "breasts? what breasts?" size, you lose the functional bras. In fact, many department stores only carry what they call "bralettes" in my size, which a) dude, I will never wear anything that has "-lette" attached to it, and b) are made out of itchy lace. They clearly believe that the only people as flat as me are thirteen year-olds, so they put all sorts of teenie frippery on them. And then there is, of course, padding, because no flat chest is complete without foam rubber. Nrrrngh.

Um... and then the possibly helpful part of my comment: an old roommate of mine was DD, and she shopped at Bare Necessities for her regular bras (I checked, they go up to I) and at Title Nine for her sports bras. She said Bare Necessities had some pretty stuff that she couldn't find elsewhere.
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:June 14th, 2006 08:11 pm (UTC)
(Link)
They clearly believe that the only people as flat as me are thirteen year-olds, so they put all sorts of teenie frippery on them. And then there is, of course, padding, because no flat chest is complete without foam rubber. Nrrrngh.

Wow. Now I totally feel the hate toward makers of small bras, too.

*fist of solidarity*

Let us not be divided by cup size! Let us be united by our hatred of bra manufacturers everywhere!

(Also, let me point out Fig Leaves and Bare Necessities, which both have bras that go up to AA, at any rate, and Title Nine, which appears to have sport bras in an amazing variety of sizes. Dignified ones, too. None of your "random beads and boyband singers - that'll appeal to the teenagers" bras there.)
[User Picture]
From:malnpudl
Date:June 14th, 2006 08:07 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Oy. Much sympathy.

My problem is a variation on the theme. I'm only a B or maybe C cup, but I'm a 46 or 48, depending. And once you get much past a 40, the only options available are ugly things that look like they belong on the prow of a battleship. *grumble*

Bras suck. Meh.
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:June 14th, 2006 08:16 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Bras do, in fact, suck; I am starting to love how this knowledge unites women of all sizes. And, seriously, check out some of the links in this thread, because I found bras in your size at figleaves.com, including an actual bustier that was totally pretty!
[User Picture]
From:raveninthewind
Date:June 14th, 2006 08:14 pm (UTC)
(Link)
See, I spent my life flat-chested (B cup, barely) except for the year I was nursing, and then I got sorta fat the past 5 years, and the breasts, they grew and grew and grew. So even though they are now a 38C (which is as big as they ever got when I was breastfeeding), they feel huge. I actually have to buy the bras with underwires. *is sad*

But I realize I can't complain b/c I am not in pain.
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:June 14th, 2006 09:05 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Want to hear a sad, sad story? If I hadn't had that, um, seven-year fling with straightness, I would have much more normal boobs right now. Because every six months that I spent on the pill, I gained a full cup size. AND WHEN I WENT OFF THE PILL, THOSE CUP SIZES DIDN'T GO AWAY.

This has left me terrified of getting pregnant and nursing, because: OMG, what if the boobs don't shrink back after you're done? I can't go through the boob-gigantizing process again!

So my first reaction to your comment was: oh thank god, her boobs shrank back after she stopped nursing. I am a relieved human, here.

I actually have to buy the bras with underwires. *is sad*

Bra changes are highly traumatic; my sympathy is totally with you. And the underwire transition is particularly horrible, because, okay. Now? I love underwires. Without them, my breasts would occasionally just bonk right into my knees. But when I was 14 and had to start wearing underwires? THEY HURT. They hurt, and they made my breasts look huge (and, yay, then guys stared, as though the whole thing wasn't bad enough), and did I mention that they hurt? I spent about six months sulking over that. Switching to underwire is hard.

*fist of boob solidarity*
[User Picture]
From:jacquez
Date:June 14th, 2006 08:18 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Oh, breasts. You are so problematic.

I am wearing, right this very instant, a plain, yet sassy, beige balcony bra in 32HH. (I bought it at Figleaves, which basingstoke already linked you to above, and it is made by Panache. Other nice bras in big cup sizes are Fantasie and Freya.)

It fits so perfectly, and if I look down my shirt, my boobs are nestled in separate little cups with the underwires flat against my breastbone between. (Also I just spilled tea on one of them while admiring them.)

You know what I can wear without lookin' all weird now? Wrap tops! This bra shoves my boobs up and snuggles them in and doesn't let go. Wrap tops are still a *little* deformed but it's not the freakshow it used to be with minimizers and whatnot. :)
[User Picture]
From:jacquez
Date:June 14th, 2006 08:33 pm (UTC)
(Link)
By the by! On the sports bra front!

I play rugby, ginormous boobies and all. I wear a Shock Absorber bra for this. It is the best sports bra ever invented, in my little world. The band size runs a bit small, so I wear a 34GG in it, and that works fine - tiny bit small in the cup, but not so's to cause any problems.
[User Picture]
From:lydiabell
Date:June 14th, 2006 08:22 pm (UTC)
(Link)
"Who the FUCK has a cup seam that lies flat against her breastbone?"

bzuh?

::tries to surreptitiously look down her shirt while at her desk::

I don't see how this one *could*, really. Maybe it depends on the style of bra.
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:June 14th, 2006 09:19 pm (UTC)
(Link)
This is actually a decent explanation of the whole measuring process (although their cup size chart is weird); you need to be wearing the kind of bra they show in the picture - one with a center panel - to do the breastbone test. Other kinds of bras are meant to fit differently. It's all very complicated.

*stares down at own cleavage and sighs*

Breasts, why did you not come with an owner's manual?
[User Picture]
From:derryderrydown
Date:June 14th, 2006 08:36 pm (UTC)
(Link)
http://www.bravissimo.co.uk

Pretty bras for us, um, 'larger' ladies. And they aren't just pretty - they give good support.

And they also do spaghetti-strap tops with built-in bras, and swimming costumes, and bikinis, and they're generally fantastic. Although a little on the dear side. (That's 'little' in the same way as it can be applied to, say, Australia.)
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:June 14th, 2006 09:25 pm (UTC)
(Link)
*envies*

That is a wonderful, wonderful store. You UK people are spoiled, I tell you. Although I think Figleaves.com covers much the same, um, territory, the addition of fitted tops that will actually fit your boobs is a pure genius.
[User Picture]
From:rosekay
Date:June 14th, 2006 08:37 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Omg, bra trauma. (Ok, you will briefly hate me for this), but I only discovered that I'm actually a full B cup embarassingly recently, after spending years convinced that my flatchested!Asian genes would grant me only As, and the exact same "bzuh?" reaction to the whole welded against your breastbone thing for years.

But my two closest friends at college are respectively totally a EE who is she kidding DD and a FF/G, so I've learned much about the hideous adjustment dance and the hi, babies, popping out AGAIN? experience. Places like Victoria's Secret have frequently directed both of them to say, 36 Cs, which is just ridiculous if you see them. The hilarious thing is the FF/G one is actually tiny outside of the boobage (like barely above 5 feet), but also had the whole "omg I must be fat" thing going on until she realized she's actually a 32 G.

They both swear by Intimacy. The bras are pricey, but they basically give you a lifetime warranty of repairs/replacements, so you spend 60-80 and never have to buy another one. You can arrange an appointment and have a private one on one fitting session and consult. They have a lot of very pretty designs and "fashion" bras going from As to H/I in cup size and 27/8 to 56/8 for band size. Apparently the smaller your band size, the bigger the corresponding cup is (like for me, the 28 B has a fuller cup than the 32 B), if that makes sense. So downing your band size might also help out the problem.

Cheer up, I wouldn't go so far as to say I'd pay for boobs like yours, but if people like me and people like you could somehow, you know, share the wealth, that would be amazing. Plus, you probably look absolutely fabulous in corsets (where I look like a small tarted up scarecrow)!

Good luck and have fun shopping through all the links on this thread!
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:June 14th, 2006 09:31 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I am in no way biased against the smaller-breasted among us; through posting this, I've learned that bra trauma transcends all boundaries.

They both swear by Intimacy.

Oh my god that sounds cool. But I'd have to get fitted! In an actual store! By a salesperson!

*breaks out in hives*

Okay. They don't have a store in my half of the country (I live in California), so I have an excuse for a while longer.

(But - OMG, free replacements. I would kill for that. I might even fly to Atlanta for that. Hmmmm. I wonder if I could send maygra a line saying, "Coming to Atlanta! To buy a bra! Wanna come?")

if people like me and people like you could somehow, you know, share the wealth, that would be amazing

Yes. Yes, that would be excellent.

*is prepared to be very generous with her cleavage if that technology is ever perfected*
[User Picture]
From:gnomad
Date:June 14th, 2006 08:39 pm (UTC)
(Link)
But according to the sizing chart, my old band size is actually too high, and my bra problem is that my boobs are fat.

Omg, I did the same thing for years! I'd buy a bra and my breast would come bulging out of the top or, worse, out the bottom, and I think that perhaps I'd just gained a little weight and needed a bigger band size. When I finally got a proper fitting (ironically at a bra store that caters to large, cross-dressing men), it turned out that I was not the 46DD I'd been trying to be: I was 38G!

Although I am sorry to hear that you had such a difficult time bra shopping, I do love to hear about other women with boob difficulties similar to mine. I spent so long thinking that I was the only person in the world who couldn't find a good bra, it's nice to be reminded that my problems really aren't that unique.
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:June 14th, 2006 09:36 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Good lord; we're incredibly similar, at least in the bra trauma department. I was trying to be a 44DDD, and it turns out I'm actually a 38G. (No wonder my boobs hate me.)

(ironically at a bra store that caters to large, cross-dressing men)

See, now, I would feel much more comfortable going for a fitting in a store like that. Hmmm. Where was this store, exactly? And how did you find it?

I spent so long thinking that I was the only person in the world who couldn't find a good bra, it's nice to be reminded that my problems really aren't that unique.

After posting this, I now realize that the unique woman is the one wearing a bra that actually fits.

*fist of breast solidarity*
[User Picture]
From:siriaeve
Date:June 14th, 2006 08:50 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I sympathise with this post so much. I was a D cup by my fifteenth. While all my friends were envying me and wishing that they could have large boobs, I was walking around with hunched shoulders, hating the pain in my back and wishing that I could buy pretty underwear like they could.

Shopping choices where I am (Ireland) are probably even more limited than where you are. A lot of bra models don't go above a C cup, and those that do were large, ugly things in white or beige or black which look bulky under clothing. What's worse, they make you feel so incredibly... unsexed. Neutered. It's hard to feel confident and proud of yourself when you feel restricted to something that looks like it's been cut down from a mental patient's old strait jacket (because we all know that large breasts are dangerous if unleashed!)

The first time I managed to get some lingerie in a different colour was when I went to Rome last week. I found a great place called Tezemis which does cheap (€10-€17), good quality underwear in a myriad of different colours and styles. I bought as many as I could afford, and am so happy that I did. Of course, I would be even happier if I could find some pretty bras without having to take a three hour plane trip. :/ Stupid bra manufacturers.
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:June 14th, 2006 10:34 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Being a large-breasted teenager SUCKS. I used to hear that, too: "Oh, but you're so lucky!" And...no. Just, no. I still have crappy posture because of all the time I spent hunched over (often while wearing a wrong-sized bra).

Shopping choices where I am (Ireland) are probably even more limited than where you are.

This is most likely true. But you could try Bravissimo! You live on the right side of the Atlantic! (It's sad, by the way, that my fingers automatically typed 'Atlantis' there. Um...not that I have a fixation or anything.) And they have not just nice-sized bras, but strappy tops and things, too!

those that do were large, ugly things in white or beige or black which look bulky under clothing. What's worse, they make you feel so incredibly... unsexed. Neutered. It's hard to feel confident and proud of yourself when you feel restricted to something that looks like it's been cut down from a mental patient's old strait jacket (because we all know that large breasts are dangerous if unleashed!)

OMG YES. I tend to feel that mid-size bras are designed to make the owner feel good about her pretty, pretty breasts, and large-size bras are designed to make the owner feel DEFORMED.

Stupid bra manufacturers.

Totally. *fist of boob solidarity*
[User Picture]
From:anjak_j
Date:June 14th, 2006 08:54 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Ugh...buying bras. Nyah! Away away!

Boobs really suck. To all those women out there who are considering surgery - come and take mine. You can have them for free! Seriously...

Bra shopping is high trauma and really something that I despise with a passion. Pretty is non-existant, and you pay the earth for something that looks dismal to support your oversized cleavage...

*sigh*
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:June 14th, 2006 10:37 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Bra shopping is high trauma and really something that I despise with a passion. Pretty is non-existant, and you pay the earth for something that looks dismal to support your oversized cleavage...

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes to all those things.

But I now have hope; my next bra-buying experience I at least won't go into it already in despair. I will be bouncing (um, literally, especially if I put it off too long) to the links in these comments, and I will be able to buy pretty bras in my size!

*feels something strangely akin to hope*
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From:jacquez
Date:June 14th, 2006 08:56 pm (UTC)
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pardon me whilst I spam your comments.

I've posted about my boob woes several times in my lj, and thought some folks might be interested in some of the resources (and/or horror stories) mentioned.

http://jacquez.livejournal.com/526833.html
http://jacquez.livejournal.com/527419.html

....there are like two more that I can't find, but those should be fun. :)
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:June 14th, 2006 10:42 pm (UTC)
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Okay. And, see, I totally enjoyed those links (and I've done the coughing thing, too - I even detached some ribs from my sternum once by coughing, and OMG OW OW OW), right up until the point where you said that a band riding up in back is a sure sign of a too large band.

And then I was like, "Oh. So that's why...oh, boobs, why are you so difficult?"

I have just learned Yet Another Thing I Didn't Know About My Boobs.
[User Picture]
From:shayheyred
Date:June 14th, 2006 09:02 pm (UTC)
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At least yours are visible; since I started dieting, mine are apparently in retrograde.
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From:littera_abactor
Date:June 14th, 2006 10:44 pm (UTC)
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Well, okay, but the bright side of that is that you're tiny! You're down to a size eight, last I heard!

And the other bright side is that you can just sit back and laugh at all of us with our boob issues.

*envies*
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From:moosesal
Date:June 14th, 2006 09:04 pm (UTC)
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Yay for measuring. As horrific as it is, it makes a huge difference. Getting a bra that fits right is a wonderful thing. Wonderful. I recently dropped a cup size after losing some weight and I was delighted to be back in the land of colors. Of course, when the saleslady helping me asked if I wanted something interesting I said, "No, just beige please." I finally settled on one in pale pink.
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:June 14th, 2006 10:47 pm (UTC)
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Getting a bra that fits right is a wonderful thing.

I'm not sure I've ever worn one that did that. But it's a huge improvement just having bras that come a bit closer to fitting, so I can only imagine the joy that actual fitting must bring you.

Of course, when the saleslady helping me asked if I wanted something interesting I said, "No, just beige please." I finally settled on one in pale pink.

The sad part is, I'd have been like: "YES. ANYTHING. I don't care if I can't wear it under any shirt not made of triple-thick burlap; if it is even remotely interesting, I'll buy it."

Because I remember when my bras came in other colors. And lace. And stuff. Those were great times. Or, okay, overall, they sucked, but at least my breasts looked fabulous.
[User Picture]
From:flambeau
Date:June 14th, 2006 09:20 pm (UTC)
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Bras that fit = happiness. Even with the boring-ness.

Er, sorry to suddenly appear in your comments like this; I clicked on a link and here I was, and the topic of bras that fit is close to my heart. Literally. :)

I wandered into an old-fashioned store a few years back and the shop assistant looked at me, whipped out a measuring tape, looked at me some more, and then yanked me into a changing room and took my old bra off and put a new bra on. The shift from 36D to 32G was, well. I couldn't really breath at first, but my back didn't hurt so much any more.

I even have one reasonably pretty one, with black lace. Unfortunately the tag's all washed out, or I'd pimp the brand. :) But I hope you find good stuff!
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:June 14th, 2006 10:52 pm (UTC)
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Er, sorry to suddenly appear in your comments like this; I clicked on a link and here I was, and the topic of bras that fit is close to my heart. Literally.

*waves*

(Um. It occurs to me to ask - you do know that thefourthvine = littera_abactor, right? Because in my other identity, I've suddenly showed up in your comments. On, um, quite a number of occasions. Turnabout is extremely fair play.)

I wandered into an old-fashioned store a few years back and the shop assistant looked at me, whipped out a measuring tape, looked at me some more, and then yanked me into a changing room and took my old bra off and put a new bra on. The shift from 36D to 32G was, well. I couldn't really breath at first, but my back didn't hurt so much any more.

Okay, see, I've been avoiding the whole concept of a bra fitting for...pretty much my whole adult life. My mother skunked me into having one when I was totally not ready (I was ELEVEN. I was still in denial about even having secondary sex characteristics), and being felt up by two salesladies made me deeply, deeply unhappy. So I'm kind of terrified of going to an actual store where someone might come at me with a tape and then stuff me into a bra OMG.

But on the other hand...a bra that fits. It'd be worth overcoming a phobia for that.
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From:ginalin
Date:June 14th, 2006 09:20 pm (UTC)
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I wear a 44 DDD and you CAN find pretty bras in that size. Even up to a size 52 G. When I was done nursing I got a 44G in pink lace. (took things a while to go back to their usual bigness)

Goddess Bras are all quite pretty.
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From:littera_abactor
Date:June 14th, 2006 10:57 pm (UTC)
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Goddess Bras are all quite pretty.

Wow, they really are.

And I can't believe you found a G-cup bra in pink lace. I (apparently) wear a 38G, and I could not find pink lace to save my soul. (Or, at least, I couldn't before. With the links in this thread, I'm hoping to have pretty, pretty breasts before much longer.)
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From:jenni_the_odd
Date:June 14th, 2006 09:25 pm (UTC)
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Bra shopping makes me want to cry. For years now I've just given up entirely and resorted to wearing tank tops with built-in shelf bras under all my clothes. Almost no support AND an extra layer (I live in Houston, where it is ridiculously hot and humid for much of the year), but it spares me having to attempt lingerie buying.
I could probably find bras in my size. But due to how my abundance of fat is distributed on my frustratingly large frame, they don't fit right. If I want a bra to stay in place, it has to be a longline bra. Which they most decidedly do NOT make in a size that accomodates my boobs and stomach all at once.

Tank tops for me. *sadface*
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:June 14th, 2006 11:04 pm (UTC)
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Okay, I used to live in Albuquerque, and I cannot imagine living in Houston and wearing an extra layer. Wow.

And do not despair! The comments here are full of links to places you can get bras in all manner of sizes. (They even have longline ones in my ludicrous size. And, seriously, a world where I can get a longline bra is a world where you can, too. You can even send stuff back to figleaves.com until you find something that fits!)

Good god. I'm like one of those people that suddenly finds religion and can't shut up about it. Except I'm proselytizing for bra stores.
Um. Sorry. Can't help myself; I'm just that enthusiastic about the prospect of bras that fit.)

(But! Seriously! Try! Because...wow, shelf bras are really not supportive, and an extra layer in Houston in the summer is just...a very special torture.)
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