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06:43 pm: Story: A Friendly Warning for Those Considering Playing Shadow Hearts: Bangkok Nights [Penny Arcade]
Title:A Friendly Warning for Those Considering Playing Shadow Hearts: Bangkok Nights
Author: littera_abactor
Fandom: Penny Arcade
Rating: As far as I'm concerned, if you're old enough to read Penny Arcade, you're old enough to read this.
Notes: This will only make the slightest lick of sense to those who know Penny Arcade. Knowledge of the Shadow Hearts video game series will also help. For your convenience, and as a sneak preview of Shadow Hearts, here is the strip in which Gabe and Tycho play Shadow Hearts: Covenant. If you're at all fond of gay porn, you probably want to check out that strip; everything it says is quite, quite true. And if you like that, brown_betty has quite the compendium of further PA strips for you to enjoy. Join the party! The Gay Penny Arcade Party!
Thanks: manasseh and lucia_tanaka beta-read this and encouraged me. (Came up tails, Lucia!) But none of it was their fault; please hold them harmless for all that follows.



The Thing of Which We Will Not Speak
Mon, November 16 2009 - 11:15 AM
by Tycho

Last week, I believe I mentioned that Gabe and I had gotten our hands on the new Shadow Hearts game, and would be marathoning the game over the weekend. My opinion thus far: decent game play, the strange but appealing characters we've come to expect from the Shadow Hearts franchise, and the small but very present possibility of destroying your life.

Let's talk a little bit more about that last part.

It goes without saying that we would never have done that thing of which we will not speak if it hadn't been for the secret bistro dungeon level of Shadow Hearts: Bangkok Nights. I would submit that both Gabe and I were under a very great strain - getting the Power Rose inside the bistro dungeon boss's orifice is no picnic. And it was late at night, and we hadn't slept in something like 42 hours. And we were obviously under the influence of some subliminal subversive messages.

Those subliminal subversive messages came, of course, from the gay porn quest. Curse you, gay porn quest, and curse your bonus spellflowers for our magical super florist, too! The Phantom Flower Power Spray (available only once you've exchanged all the gay porn for the magazine and then taken the magazine to Melchesdick) is certainly an impressive offensive weapon, but it was not worth the price I paid, the terrible, terrible price.

But in the end, I'm sure what, as it were, brought it all together was the psychoactive effect of the cutscreen itself: the rose swelling and stiffening, its stamen or perhaps pistil - I'm no botanist - emerging, swollen and leaking pollen, from its soft sheath, the seductive, beckoning music, the image of the rose plunging (after seventeen, count them, seventeen attempts) directly into the hot, sweet opening of the bistro dungeon's boss (the svelte and attractive Indigo Subrosa), and of course the intense thrumming, pulsating, game-enhancing vibrations from my new SuperBuzz Deep Pulse Dual Controllers.

Yes, it was the pulsing, the throbbing, the thrusting, the hot, wet - oh. Oh Jesus no. Not again. My knees can't take much more of this.

God damn those gay-making Shadow Hearts developers. God damn them to hell.

(CW)TB out.

momentary lapse of reason

The Thing of Which We Will Never Stop Speaking
Mon, November 16 2009 - 11:37 AM
by Gabe

Get this. Tycho totally sucked my cock after we got the rose into the bistro dungeon bitch's whoozit last night. It was AWESOME. He's got suction like a fucking Hoover U5468-900 Windtunnel Supreme. (Uh. Not that I would know personally what a Hoover U5469-900 Windtunnel Supreme feels like.) Who knew?

Let me just repeat: Tycho sucked my cock, and it was super. Fucking. Awesome. Today, I am a new man.

Whoops, gotta go. Here comes Tycho again. Shadow Hearts: Bangkok Nights, I love you!

-Gabe out

Comments

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[User Picture]
From:joyfulseeker
Date:November 16th, 2006 02:41 am (UTC)
(Link)
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhhhh oh my god. I must now build a shrine to your genius. Oh my god.

The Tycho-voice was PARTICULARLY nice.
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:02 am (UTC)
(Link)
(*waves to Dief in your icon*)

Thank you! Tycho's voice turns out to be much tougher to imitate; I struggled with it a bit. So I'm happy to hear I got it right.

*beams*
[User Picture]
From:lucia_tanaka
Date:November 16th, 2006 02:51 am (UTC)
(Link)
[User Picture]
From:z_rayne
Date:November 16th, 2006 02:47 am (UTC)
(Link)
I went through my icons twice, but I really have nothing that's up to the task of commenting on this. I think I broke something laughing.

You win teh interwebz.
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:07 am (UTC)
(Link)
You made the right choice. Poisoned sex cookies are never inappropriate. They are the universal icon, pretty much.

You win teh interwebz.

Thank you!
[User Picture]
From:lucia_tanaka
Date:November 16th, 2006 02:49 am (UTC)
(Link)
SuperBuzz Deep Pulse Dual Controllers.

I know I didn't notice that bit before. *giggles* Sextoy/Console controllers.

Oh, what lonely college gamers must so with their Dual Shocks...

*shivers*
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:09 am (UTC)
(Link)
I know I didn't notice that bit before. *giggles* Sextoy/Console controllers.

*beams*

The sad part is, I'm pretty sure those are already in development somewhere. (I even saw a patent for a controller that would literally give you electric shocks, but I think we can file that one under "unlikely to be marketed," thank god.) The world is just amazing.

And, yeah, I get the giggles thinking about the many uses of Dual Shocks myself.
[User Picture]
From:onnakitty
Date:November 16th, 2006 02:50 am (UTC)
(Link)
*dies* OMG I think I'm in luff. z_rayne linked me to it, and I couldn't stop giggling. You do such a wonderful job with their voices too, I can just see this being a comic strip... *giggle* Only, not. But yeah. ^_^ Keep up the good work. *giggle*
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:13 am (UTC)
(Link)
*dies* OMG I think I'm in luff.

Yay! And thank you!

I can just see this being a comic strip

Oh, if only. But, sadly, my talents only run to news entries. Still, it's fun to imagine, is it not?

*imagines* *gets totally distracted*
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:14 am (UTC)
(Link)
*squidges back*

Yay you! (And, um, did you send me the thing you were going to? Because if you did, I need to do a brisk troll through my spam folder and see if the new spam filter hates you as much as the old one did.)
[User Picture]
From:helpwess
Date:November 16th, 2006 02:59 am (UTC)
(Link)
Oh my god, I thought they were IMPOSSIBLE TO EMULATE

OH, HOW WRONG I WAS



Oh, man. This is amazing.
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:16 am (UTC)
(Link)
*thrilled*

Thank you!

Oh my god, I thought they were IMPOSSIBLE TO EMULATE

Well, if I managed to do it here, then this is the key: a fever. Seriously. This whole thing came to me while I was waiting for my fever to break this afternoon. Illness is the secret ingredient in the Penny Arcade stew!
[User Picture]
From:brown_betty
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:00 am (UTC)
(Link)
You are like the epitome of everything I love about fandom. This. This right here is why fandom can stand with pride next to any other field of human endeavour.

(Attention, other readers of L.A. I am opening a pool on how long until Gabe links to this post. Get in early!)
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:19 am (UTC)
(Link)
If you had mentioned that you longed for Gabe/Tycho slash, I would so have written you some years ago.

Actually, no. I take that back. Obviously, I had to wait for inspiration (and illness) to strike, and it didn't strike until today. But I would have DEDICATED this to you, had I but known.

You are like the epitome of everything I love about fandom.

I think I'm going to put that on my resume. You make an awesome reference.

This right here is why fandom can stand with pride next to any other field of human endeavour.

*nods*

When I next think the world is sad and lonely, I will remind myself a) that I slashed Gabe and Tycho and b) other people liked it. And that will make the sun shine again, for sure.

*loves all of fandom*
[User Picture]
From:packmentality
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:04 am (UTC)
(Link)
HAHAHAHA! OMG, I think I broke something. Ow. Oh, Tycho and Gabe. Guh. Freaking spectacular, man. Wow.
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:22 am (UTC)
(Link)
I - I think I love you. You used the word "guh" in a comment on a story about Gabe and Tycho having sex under the influence of a video game.

You are the most wonderful person ever, and I plan to print this comment and possibly frame it.

*presses CTRL-P with PRIDE*
[User Picture]
From:callmesandy
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:06 am (UTC)
(Link)
HILARIOUS. And also awesome.
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:24 am (UTC)
(Link)
Thank you!

*joyful*
[User Picture]
From:celli
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:11 am (UTC)
(Link)
*giggles madly*
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:25 am (UTC)
(Link)
*chortles in mad-scientist-like fashion*
[User Picture]
From:bibliokat
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:11 am (UTC)
(Link)
HEEEEE! I haven't played the game, but that's one of my favorite strips;) Awesome ficlet!!!
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:27 am (UTC)
(Link)
The game is JUST AS MUCH AWESOME as that strip makes it sound like. (Okay. Except for the end, which I tell you honestly is something of a downer. But the rest of the game = awesome. There's special pheromone-producing armor, designed to attract men and worn only by a male character, who also canonically has sex with his teacher in one of the bonus levels. There's the Gay Gold Bat. There's the gay porn quest. It's the gayest RPG ever, and for that alone I love it.)

And thank you! Glad you liked the story. *beams*
[User Picture]
From:notpoetry
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:13 am (UTC)
(Link)
Okay you = for the win. Tycho's voice was awesome, and then Gabe's post BROKE ME. I can't even. Just -- YES.
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:29 am (UTC)
(Link)
*joyful and triumphant*

Thank you!

*adds "broke a perfectly good notpoetry" to her resume, as that is something to be VERY PROUD OF*
[User Picture]
From:kyuuketsukirui
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:18 am (UTC)
(Link)
Hee! Someone else wrote Penny Arcade fic! I am no longer alone!

And this was so brilliant! I never would have thought of writing something in the style of a news post, but it's perfect! So, so perfect!

And I have the perfect icon! XD
[User Picture]
From:kyuuketsukirui
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:22 am (UTC)

PS

(Link)
I almost asked for PA for Yuletide, but then didn't because I ran out of slots, and so this is like getting an extra free Yuletide fic! ♥
[User Picture]
From:bluebrocade
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:21 am (UTC)
(Link)
LOL.
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:34 am (UTC)
(Link)
*beams*
[User Picture]
From:manasseh
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:27 am (UTC)
(Link)
Melchesdick?! I did not notice that at ALL. What a ridiculous(ly appropriate) name.

[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:36 am (UTC)
(Link)
(I love your icon with a hopeless, helpless love. Ouran High School Host Club?)

Melchesdick?! I did not notice that at ALL. What a ridiculous(ly appropriate) name.

Yup! And you know the only reason it was never used in Shadow Hearts: Covenant was that the designers didn't think of it. I believe I totally got inside their design ethos with that name.

*very proud*
[User Picture]
From:laylah
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:29 am (UTC)
(Link)
I -- holy hell. This is so cool both as crazy meta and as a fabulous way of telling this story, and also as commentary on the Shadow Hearts games, and --

Too fabulous for words, honestly. Just too cool.
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:40 am (UTC)
(Link)
Thank you!

And, see, I told you someday I'd actually finish a Shadow Hearts story. I just didn't think it'd be within a Penny Arcade story. Shows what I know.

(And that, unless I miss my guess, is Yuri himself. Guh, indeed.)
[User Picture]
From:janet_carter
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:39 am (UTC)
(Link)
Hee! Okay, that's awesome even with minimal context.
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:41 am (UTC)
(Link)
Thank you! I'm actually totally astonished (and thrilled) that it makes any sense at all without context.

*rejoices*
[User Picture]
From:astolat
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:45 am (UTC)
(Link)
Ahahaha, I finished reading the Tycho section and totally thought the story was over because I hadn't scrolled down far enough to see the next headline, and then I got to Gabe. *dies and is dead* <3
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:53 am (UTC)
(Link)
*beams and is happy*

(Who knew this many people had a secret desire to read Gabe/Tycho? I didn't expect this many people to read this in the whole of ever, let alone tonight.)
[User Picture]
From:frostfire_17
Date:November 16th, 2006 04:23 am (UTC)
(Link)
AHAHAHA. *dies a lot*

.....ahahahahahaha.

*snicker*
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:November 16th, 2006 05:15 am (UTC)
(Link)
Thank you!

*spreads the gospel of the Tycho/Gabe man-lovin'*
[User Picture]
From:thecomfychair
Date:November 16th, 2006 04:52 am (UTC)
(Link)
ahaahhah YES. that was 85 kinds of awesome
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:November 16th, 2006 05:17 am (UTC)
(Link)
Wow, more kinds of awesome than Heinz has flavors. Thank you!

*preens*
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:November 16th, 2006 05:23 am (UTC)
(Link)
They did indeed have a run-in with Harlan Ellison. It was pure magic.

And I am so glad you enjoyed this! Seriously, I never dreamed it would make sense to people not conversant with Penny Arcade and Shadow Hearts lore.

*deeply pleased*
[User Picture]
From:vange
Date:November 16th, 2006 05:37 am (UTC)
(Link)
Found this through brown_betty. That was magical. Really, really magical. I can't stop laughing. The Gay Penny Arcade party rocks.
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:November 16th, 2006 12:58 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Thank you!

*beams*

(And I think everyone should join the Gay Penny Arcade Party. Tycho/Gabe are the universal OTP.)
[User Picture]
From:vassilissa
Date:November 16th, 2006 05:58 am (UTC)
(Link)
*makes a lot of high-pitched noises* *dances*

You win at everything.
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:November 16th, 2006 12:59 pm (UTC)
(Link)
*joins you in the dancing, because everyone needs to get down once in a while*

Thank you!
[User Picture]
From:violin_road
Date:November 16th, 2006 07:31 am (UTC)
(Link)
OH MY GOD I AM SUCH A HAPPY GIRL RIGHT NOW.


(Also, I actually have a P-A icon, I realized. Sweet.)
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:November 16th, 2006 01:02 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Thank you!

And I am actually quite, quite amazed at how many people have Penny Arcade icons. LJ people never do stop surprising me with their incredible excellence, good taste, and appreciation for the finer things. (Especially when "finer things" means "Tycho blowing Gabe.")
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