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06:43 pm: Story: A Friendly Warning for Those Considering Playing Shadow Hearts: Bangkok Nights [Penny Arcade]
Title:A Friendly Warning for Those Considering Playing Shadow Hearts: Bangkok Nights
Author: littera_abactor
Fandom: Penny Arcade
Rating: As far as I'm concerned, if you're old enough to read Penny Arcade, you're old enough to read this.
Notes: This will only make the slightest lick of sense to those who know Penny Arcade. Knowledge of the Shadow Hearts video game series will also help. For your convenience, and as a sneak preview of Shadow Hearts, here is the strip in which Gabe and Tycho play Shadow Hearts: Covenant. If you're at all fond of gay porn, you probably want to check out that strip; everything it says is quite, quite true. And if you like that, brown_betty has quite the compendium of further PA strips for you to enjoy. Join the party! The Gay Penny Arcade Party!
Thanks: manasseh and lucia_tanaka beta-read this and encouraged me. (Came up tails, Lucia!) But none of it was their fault; please hold them harmless for all that follows.



The Thing of Which We Will Not Speak
Mon, November 16 2009 - 11:15 AM
by Tycho

Last week, I believe I mentioned that Gabe and I had gotten our hands on the new Shadow Hearts game, and would be marathoning the game over the weekend. My opinion thus far: decent game play, the strange but appealing characters we've come to expect from the Shadow Hearts franchise, and the small but very present possibility of destroying your life.

Let's talk a little bit more about that last part.

It goes without saying that we would never have done that thing of which we will not speak if it hadn't been for the secret bistro dungeon level of Shadow Hearts: Bangkok Nights. I would submit that both Gabe and I were under a very great strain - getting the Power Rose inside the bistro dungeon boss's orifice is no picnic. And it was late at night, and we hadn't slept in something like 42 hours. And we were obviously under the influence of some subliminal subversive messages.

Those subliminal subversive messages came, of course, from the gay porn quest. Curse you, gay porn quest, and curse your bonus spellflowers for our magical super florist, too! The Phantom Flower Power Spray (available only once you've exchanged all the gay porn for the magazine and then taken the magazine to Melchesdick) is certainly an impressive offensive weapon, but it was not worth the price I paid, the terrible, terrible price.

But in the end, I'm sure what, as it were, brought it all together was the psychoactive effect of the cutscreen itself: the rose swelling and stiffening, its stamen or perhaps pistil - I'm no botanist - emerging, swollen and leaking pollen, from its soft sheath, the seductive, beckoning music, the image of the rose plunging (after seventeen, count them, seventeen attempts) directly into the hot, sweet opening of the bistro dungeon's boss (the svelte and attractive Indigo Subrosa), and of course the intense thrumming, pulsating, game-enhancing vibrations from my new SuperBuzz Deep Pulse Dual Controllers.

Yes, it was the pulsing, the throbbing, the thrusting, the hot, wet - oh. Oh Jesus no. Not again. My knees can't take much more of this.

God damn those gay-making Shadow Hearts developers. God damn them to hell.

(CW)TB out.

momentary lapse of reason

The Thing of Which We Will Never Stop Speaking
Mon, November 16 2009 - 11:37 AM
by Gabe

Get this. Tycho totally sucked my cock after we got the rose into the bistro dungeon bitch's whoozit last night. It was AWESOME. He's got suction like a fucking Hoover U5468-900 Windtunnel Supreme. (Uh. Not that I would know personally what a Hoover U5469-900 Windtunnel Supreme feels like.) Who knew?

Let me just repeat: Tycho sucked my cock, and it was super. Fucking. Awesome. Today, I am a new man.

Whoops, gotta go. Here comes Tycho again. Shadow Hearts: Bangkok Nights, I love you!

-Gabe out

Comments

[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:November 16th, 2006 03:27 am (UTC)
(Link)
The game is JUST AS MUCH AWESOME as that strip makes it sound like. (Okay. Except for the end, which I tell you honestly is something of a downer. But the rest of the game = awesome. There's special pheromone-producing armor, designed to attract men and worn only by a male character, who also canonically has sex with his teacher in one of the bonus levels. There's the Gay Gold Bat. There's the gay porn quest. It's the gayest RPG ever, and for that alone I love it.)

And thank you! Glad you liked the story. *beams*
[User Picture]
From:bibliokat
Date:November 16th, 2006 04:17 am (UTC)
(Link)
Oooo, that game does sound awesome! If I only had time for another obsession. Unforunately I'm booked for the next bazillion years catching up on the things I already love. Though should I ever find a friend who has this game I will *definitely* check it out!

You're very welcome. If you ever want to write more, now you know you have the crazy fangirls who'll read it!
[User Picture]
From:littera_abactor
Date:November 16th, 2006 05:29 am (UTC)
(Link)
If I only had time for another obsession. Unforunately I'm booked for the next bazillion years catching up on the things I already love.

*nods*

It's the way of fandom, though: we have no time left for any new obsessions, and yet somehow miraculously new ones muscle their way in. It is magic.

Though should I ever find a friend who has this game I will *definitely* check it out!

Well, I have the game, and I would gladly loan it to you. Um. If you lived near me, which you probably don't. But the thought is there!

[User Picture]
From:bibliokat
Date:November 17th, 2006 12:17 am (UTC)
(Link)
I appreciate that thought! I'm guessing you don't live in Florida though;)
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