Minion of the Universe (littera_abactor) wrote,
Minion of the Universe

The Once and Future Warning

[They say context is for the weak. So I'm weak, so what? This is a comment I made in someone else's friendslocked post. liviapenn, this repost is for you.]


This story has words made of letters, and sentences made of words and punctuation and spaces. It has paragraphs and dialog and characters and a plot.

The following items may or may not be included in this plot: Sex. Sex involving men and/or women in numbers totalling no more than 17. Masturbation. Mutual masturbation. Gratuitous display of manly flesh. Gratuitous display of womanly flesh. Gratuitous display of flesh that does not acknowledge divisions of sex or gender. Tattoos. Weapons porn. Violence. Thoughts of sex and violence without any kind of cathartic follow-through. First contact. Alien lifeforms. Aliens with needs. Kink. Cliches. Decadence. The decimalization of currency. Current events. Electricity. Ancient cultures. Major scientific advances. Male pregnancy. Female pregnancy. Dog pregnancy. Dogs and cats, living together. Cats and cats, living together. Religion. Bad religions. A lot of references to Night of the Hunter. Telepathy. Dragons. Vampires. Zombies. Evil children. Big guns. Psychics. Clones. Holograms. Slime. Jelly. Peanut butter. Sandwiches of evil. Tossed green salad with caramelized walnuts and pears. Feasts. Famine. Fruit sex. Bee swarms. Facts of dubious scientific accuracy. Facts of dubious mythological accuracy. Wings on things that you wouldn't expect to have wings. Hands in new places. Time travel. Time bombs. Blonde bombshells from 1940s movies. Recapitulation of the plot of Spartacus. Slavery. Torture. Prison. Oysters. Bathtubs. Bath salts. Unhealthy dietary preferences. Unhealthy life choices. Unhealthy minds. Unhealthy bodies. Spontaneous healing, followed by a terrifying regimen of complete and total health. Fast cars. Loose women. Looser men. Intoxicants. Sharp suits. Sharp blades. Blunt weapons. Blunt speech. Low jokes. Sunken ships. The lost continent. Marine mammals. And everything else that has ever or will be ever in my head.

Now. Don't say I didn't warn you, okay?

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